happy chinese new year

Have a roaring Tiger year filled with happiness, good health and great fortune! Happy Chinese New Year!

I Am

I am ...
A woman
With a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green;
I wonder ...
If love is a tale made for children --
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence --
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter draught ...
I hear ...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled ‘neath my righteous tread;
I see ...
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...
I want ...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain;
I am
A woman,
hidden ...

I pretend ...
That I can live forever -- that Time
Has no puissance but that which I afford Him --
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...
I feel ...
Too much -- too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection --
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;
I touch ...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...
I worry ...
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom --
And how can I but heed the siren's call?
I cry ...
For having too much, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman,
empty ...

I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the coat of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To loneliest of grey ...
I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided --
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;
I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...
I try ...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever;
I hope ...
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am
A woman,
only.


~Skyfyre

CNY oh CNY

Yay! Finally a break!

Even though it's a break from school and not from work (and a very short one too), I'm pretty hyped up knowing that Chinese New Year (CNY) is just around the corner! I'm probably the only one who's that excited for CNY as it's the only time in the year where I get to have the whole family, including both of my sisters' (as they're married), get together and spend some quality time.

Haha I'm in such good mood anticipating that the exhaustion I just accumulated juggling assignments and work for several months wear off when I think of what to decorate my house with for this upcoming festivities. I've bought two gigantic yellow pineapples (a symbol for good fortune and luck) and a lovely 福 (which means the same thing as the pineapple), in which the font is designed with pink and red peonies in cardboard.

I happened to drive past a store selling CNY decors on my way to school when this huge yellow pineapple hanging between two smaller red pineapples caught my eye. I couldn't get the picture of it off my mind for some reason and as I'm always in a rush to school, I didn't stop and purchase them. I was so fixated on them that I told Kevin (my bf) that I must get them.

Thinking they are easily available, I looked for them at similar stores when I passed by them on foot but all of them don't carry this specific pineapple. Fellow Chinese must be thinking 'why' right? That's because the one I eyed on is the largest one - 45 inches - as compared to the ''normal' size of about 20 inches. That supposedly enormous one just seemed like the right size to me that I refused to buy any of biggest ones (30 inches) available there.

When I finally went to that store and purchase them, I was (and still is) elated. Walking away with the pair of $38 pineapples, I was grinning from from ear to ear. Once I reached home, Kevin helped me to set up and stapled them as they were in the initial flattened state.

The moment he helped me hung them up, I couldn't help laughing to myself. They're really huge! Way too big to be hung at the sides of my front door! Kevin was like, 'don't look at me, I told you it's going to be really huge, you're the one who's bent on getting it in this size'. What if my three mischievous little nephew and nieces pull them down?!

As my camera is not working anymore and I'm still contemplating on whether I should splurge on one, I can't upload any photographs on them at the moment. I'll try to upload them soon! Meanwhile, I hope that all the Chinese have as much fun and enjoyment as me preparing for CNY!

頑張ります!

Came across this quote that I like very much:

"The quality of your life depends less on what you are doing with your body, and more on what you are doing with your time and spirit. Keep your soul nourished and everything else will fall into place."

Even though my circumstances resulted in me having a job I don't like, I do feel alive and rejuvenated whenever I'm studying. These steps I'm taking may seem like baby steps, but the time and the joy of working on my chosen field of interest in university constantly remind me that I have to keep moving on to my goal regardless of the odds.

頑張ります! (I'll try my best!)

the start of something wonderful

The break of dawn illuminates shades of orange hues across the horizon, signifying the arrival of a brand new day.

Since life is a short-lived luxury that is engulfed in a cycle of light and darkness, let this marks the start of something wonderful that's here to stay.

~A.W.

Happy New Year everyone!
May you and your loved ones be blessed with joy, good health and fortune throughout 2010!

a simple Thanks

It has been a whirlwind-kind of ride for the past few weeks. I'm grateful for those who helped me get through it.

Thanks to a few of my classmates and friends (especially "pink and baby blue juniors") for being so understanding about the difficulties I have juggling work and studies. You have no idea how much support both of you have given me since I started this course and I really appreciate it.

More importantly, thanks to my dear for enduring all the irrational and unreasonable behavior I have been having towards you everyday. Instead of escaping from me, my whole load of burdens, and my appalling mood swings; you stayed beside me throughout it all.

Thank you.

x'mas 2009

It's that time of year again. Spectacular lighting, gifts, parties and the reappearance of the grand conical-shaped trees decorated with all things sparkly and colorful.

Here in this tiny tropical red dot on the globe that encompass several religions and ethnicity, it seems that the Christmas season can only be felt in town because of the holidays' decorations.

You'd think that since it's the Christmas season and December, the weather might be a little cooler even though we don't have the four seasons here(such as snow).

Not at all. The weather lately has been insane, clocking up to 35 degrees Celsius. We've been fixated with denotations of winter wear and freezing weather associated with 'Christmas' that seeing the majority of the people wearing shorts and flip-flops(thongs) somehow doesn't add to the already diminishing holiday ambiance.

Still, I've got to say that the holidays' decorations during Christmas is usually the grandest (maybe due to the competition among shopping malls on who has the best decor) and it's one of those times in the year that I get to receive gifts!

My schedule is fully packed and it's to be an extremely hectic month for me. But that is not going to stop me from immersing in this jovial season. Hope you are able to take a break from your daily chaos and enjoy yourself!

Here are some old school clips of Peanuts about Christmas I hope you will enjoy:

gone

Gone, gone are those friends
in which naught replaces close in its definition.

Gone, gone are those essential conversations
that forms the important part of relationships in life.

Gone, gone are those flickers of happiness
no matter how ethereal they may be.

Gone, gone are those moments
never to be re-captured ever again.

Gone, gone are those chances
when you could have changed those bad decisions then.

Gone, gone are those carefree days
where together with your childhood, your youth,
and all the sunshine and laughter,
become past memories you long for now.

Gone, gone are those vibrant colors of life,
that fade away along with your very own existence

~ A.W.